TRAVEL LOG: Unwritten Rules of the RoadTrip

5am Dawn Patrol

The ice season in Utah in 2018 left a lot to be desired... As a result we spent a lot of time in the car commuting 5, 6, 7, 8 hours or more to find ice. I was impressed at the number of times that I found myself confused by the lack of understanding of what I thought were the universally understood rules of road-tripping. Apparently, they were not as universal I thought and it falls to me to explain them. 

Here goes:

1. NO GLAMPING
   A proper dirtbag is not interested in stopping 2 hours shy of the goal to stay at a nicer hotel. If you are going to be the first one to arrive at the crag then you get a hotel near the crag, maybe you even sleep at the trailhead, even if it means passing on the 5 star breakfast in the morning.
    
2. TRADING DRIVERS & NAVIGATING
   We all get tired that is normal and healthy. Falling asleep at the wheel is intolerable and is grounds for extened banning from driving. Unlike Atlas, you don't need to shoulder this burden alone. In fact, you required to surrender your position at the helm and allow your wingman to drive for a bit, even if it is your car.
   
   Whats that?!? Your insurance won't allow anybody to drive your car:First, don't offer to drive. Second, change your insurance, that shit is easy and there are plenty options that won't stop you from breaking rule #2 of the roatripping code.
    
3. PROPER PASSENGERING
   As a passenger it is your job to engage the driver, keep him talking or keep him intellectually engaged. That means you might need to listen to something that they want and you don't. If the first few tries don't proffer the 'usual common ground', keep trying, in this great big world there has got to be some quirky ass thing that you can both agree on, if all else fails talk about the objective and get synced up on expectations. The effort exerted in the discovery of that mutual interest is where the bonds of relationships are forged. In the long run, the relationship may be joined tenuously and only survive a single adventure but, all the same, you sharpened your conversational skills.
   
   If you are riding shotgun, you have navigation responsibilities. Get your phone out and make sure that the map is loaded and the route set, help the driver keep an eye out for exits and turns. Prep the snacks, clean up the fast food... these are among your responsibilities. There are times to contemplate the cosmos with your eye lids properly closed but, not until you are certain that your driver is properly cared for and good to go on his own for a little while.
   
   A Quick Note on Keeping your Driver Mentally Engaged: That doesn't mean that you start trying to show him the latest gear video review on youtube or doing live demo's of the current best practice in multipitch anchor configurations. Both of these actions are examples that would pull the drivers attention from the road - bad idea.
    
4. STOPPING
   While it is true that the destination is not as important as the journey, stopping every hour will annoy the shit out of your companions. Barring food poisoning, stopping is at the discretion of the driver. There is a time and a trip style for the random stops but, when an objective is set, and random ass stops are not included in the objective, then stay on target. It is important to be efficient with your comuting so that the troop can get as much stopped rest as possible before departing on the adventure. To be clear, stopped rest is more useful than driving rests. Secondly you can't efficiently rack out with lots of little stops as you can with one big stop. Necessity can modify this rule but, in general power through and rest at the parking lot and at home.
   
   Stops are when the driver is rotated out. This practice ensures that everybody takes their turn and gets rested on the drive. We all have different levels of stamina behind the wheel, rotating at the stops is a good way to make sure that the road trip is efficiently performing at the personal stamina of each driverr. It also helps make sure that the guy with the smallest bladder has both hands free to pee in a bottle.
    
5. HYGENE
   This requires an amount of self awareness. If your feet smell like the freshly disturbed droppings of a german shephard that is making the change from soft food to hard food, then it behooves YOU to be aware of this and keep your shoes on. We might love you, and you might be a phenom on the route but, you can rest those dogs after they are washed, cleaned, and odor free.
   
   Pissing in a jar is efficient and is a skill that should be mastered but, keeping track of that toxic fluid is no joke. It is your job to make sure that somebody doesn't confuse its contents with their apple juice. Also, it should be removed at the very next stop, that stuff should not be allowed to ferment any longer than the demands of road efficiency require.

A firm grasp of these rules should keep you on the invite list for many years to come. However, these rules are just an intro course. When in doubt it is always valuable to run the scenario through the golden rule... Do unto other's as you have them do unto you, or your car, or the other cars on the road...

Driving to Cody...